It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
