Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
