my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
