Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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