Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
