actually, I'm a sock model
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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