You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
