There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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