I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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