if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
