this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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