You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
