She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
