that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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