Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
