My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
