Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
