i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
