I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
a search helicopter?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize