god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
