My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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