Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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