The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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