How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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