its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
