FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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