so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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