My underwear smells like fireworks.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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