the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
