I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
