i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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