? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He uses pillows to masturbate.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
