he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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