I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
