Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
