Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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