I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
