apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Blood and glitter go together right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
