I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
