dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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