Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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