Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
