i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???