someone threw a dead crab at me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
