glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.