btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂