My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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