Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
