i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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