I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The struggles of a small town man whore
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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