Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
