i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
