I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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