You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
