He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
