If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
