Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
