My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he thought i was a dude.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
