if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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