Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
