I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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