Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
