So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
