please come you make the beer taste better
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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