After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
