just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
