soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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