Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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