You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
