What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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